right, it's the middle of the night and i should go to bed, but what the hell…this is kind of appropriate for this time of night
i have some very strange experiences sometimes while i'm sleeping
my husband says he barely dreams at all – i dream a lot - i have since i was little – i dream quite vividly – does that mean anything? – sometimes i have like five distinct dreams a night – sometimes i wake up exhausted from my dreams – i manage to remember a lot of them – i write them down when i do – they're weird – but mostly good weird
and where the heck does my subconscious get all the random faces in my dreams – do i just not fully register people i see on the street in passing until i go to sleep? – i talk to people in my dreams i've never seen before – never mind that, in dreams, i'm good friends with people i've never seen before in my life and dire enemies with people i've never seen before in my life – this can't be just me
also, sometimes, i think i wake up, but it eventually becomes clear that i'm not awake – i actually Realize that i'm not awake! – and i have to keep trying to wake up again and again – i get nervous – really nervous – sometimes i panic – but i finally wake up for real – weird
and, sometimes, i'm waking up – at least my brain is waking up – i think thoughts – i can feel my body – but my eyes won't open and i can't move – and i panic – i panic that i can't wake up – i panic that i'm paralyzed – i think, this must be like a coma-state or something – it's really scary – stuck in my body, but my brain is awake – but it could be all a dream – i do wake up or whatever eventually – sometimes when this happens, and i can't open my eyes, i have a feeling that someone has a hand on my face – that's freaky beyond freaky – i don't like that – thankfully these things haven't happened for a while
what does all this say about my subconscious self?
it's rather unsettling that parts of my brain are running without my consent or control
it's very sci-fi
it's weird
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