RaptureWatch ’11: Coming to you from Further Down Under (and a little off to the side) Than Down Under

Wow!  I’m SO EXCITED to be here for this unique, historic event!

Again.

RaptureWatch ’11!

Experience it with me!  Minute by minute.  Hour by hour.  Or, at least every hour and a 1/2 to two hours.

As you know, authority on all things planetary, Harold Camping, a minister in Oakland, California, USA says that the Rapture will hit New Zealand first with thunderous earthquakes that will spread all across the whole planet. 

That is SO generous of Camping to bestow upon us such a prophecy, because here in the Southern Hemisphere, we could not BE more ecstatic about EARTHQUAKES.

Starting tonight, most of the people on the planet have been scheduled to be killed by God.  *Yes, THAT God.  You were thinking some Other god?*

A few people will be saved.  Some people will be killed and then saved.  Many more might be killed while they’re being saved.  And, one may be saved while being killed.

You really don’t want to miss it!

6pm New Zealand time!

Since I live HERE – i.e. where the planet’s supposed to go ape@#$%  in a matter of hours – I’ll be blogging right up until then, keeping you up-to-date on all the pre-Fire and Brimstone action you can handle! 

[…after which point, I’m going to my favorite Greek restaurant, which I know will still be there because it’s called Muses Taverna, and frankly, it’s protected by some of the Greek gods, who like to show up there to eat from time to time – the food is worthy of Mount Olympus.  I have such a crush on Pan!  His little goat feet are so cute! And MAN, can he can dance!]

Sorry, where were we?

AH, strap yourselves in.  We’re in for a WILD RIDE, from what I’m hearing.  Hellfire!  Damnation!  Locusts!  Snakes!  Jetpacks!   Oh wait.  No.  Not jetpacks.  I thought someone said something about jetpacks…never mind.

By the way, do you know if your pets will be taken care of when you’re busy either being tortured, killed, crushed by the earth’s layers or all of the above?  Do you even really care?  Would you like to leave your heathen loved ones Left Behind a brief note, perhaps, so they don’t feel so bad about dying in the Apocalypse while you get transported to a galaxy far, far away?   Do you have a plan in place!

JUDGEMENT DAY IS HERE, people!  I sure don’t want to be Left Behind, do I!

*No really, do I?*

First, here’s a helpful video so you know WHAT TO DO: Your Pre-Rapture Checklist

And, we’re off!

 

*Cue the Epic Music…*

——————————————-

RaptureWatch ’11: @9am

Well, it’s a beautiful, sunny, crisp, Autumn, Saturday morning here in Wellington, NZ. No hint yet of the hellfire, damnation, and general horrible-ness to come in, oh, roughly 10 hours.  And so,  since it’s still morning, I’m going back to sleep.

——————————————

RaptureWatch ’11: @11am

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! 

No, seriously. A couple of seagulls just flew by.

An AirNZ flight to just took off for Nelson.

And, a bunch of hopeful surfers are sitting in wave-free Lyall Bay.

*sigh* Now I know EXACTLY how National Geographic feels.

In other news, it’s no longer sunny and it has clearly been drizzling, but it smells really GREAT outside!

I’m going to go eat my breakfast.

Stay with me…!

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RaptureWatch ’11: @1pm

Ooops, did I say National Geographic?  I meant, Horse and Hound!  Really!  Come on, guys. CRANIUM?  Can you say, Desperate!

Nope, haven’t seen any Eager-Beaver-Early-Naked-Floating-Fundie-Fanatics yet.  (Say THAT 10x in a row. I was going to call them “Floaters”, but that sounded Wrong.  And, frankly, I didn’t think Pre-Floaters sounded any better.]

ARRGH. OMG, PINKY! Not my HOEGAARDEN!

——————

RaptureWatch ’11: @2:20pm

Hmmm. That cloud looks an awful lot like THE FIST OF GOD, reaching down from The Firmament to Beat Down some Heathen Aaaaaaand now it’s a bunny.

—————–

RaptureWatch ’11: @3:00pm

While we’re on the subject of bunnies – You heard me.  BUNNIES – we are going to pause for a short interlude and a song.  I believe that if most of us are going belly-up by the end of this night, we should at least get a last song.  Also, some chocolate.  A bar or two of the Lindt Excellence would be nice.  The one with Sea Salt.

Sing-along now!

Bunnies aren’t just cute like everyone supposes.

They got them Hoppy Legs and Twitchy Little Noses!

And, what’s with all the Carrots?

What do they need such good eyesight for anywayssss.

Bunnies! Bunnies! It must be Bunnieeeees!

I’ll be back! 

(Oh, just forget I said that. *shudder*)

———–

RaptureWatch ’11: @ 4:00opm

A certain member of our household has decided to hitch a ride, should the appearance of random space ships accompany The Rapture this evening. It’s a very sad day for our little household.  He/She/It just missed his/hers/its cat too much.  I can empathize.

*sob*

Back Soon *sob* With more from the Front Lines. *sob*

To be honest, he/her/it got a “note” from his mom. His/hers/its chores had piled up. His/her/its cat’s pee-ocean had several new species evolving in it – a forgotten research project, apparently.  I got four words for you. Alien. Cat. Litter. Box. *shudder* 

College exchange students. What can you do!

* paging Stephen Hawking…paging Stephen Hawking…  Drat!  Where’s Carl when you need him!  Neil?  SETI?  Anyone?

———————

RaptureWatch ’11: @4:54pm

T-56 min to The Rapture. It’s doesn’t look so Rapturous now in the light of day, or night, or afternoon or whatever – does it?  It’s getting dark-er outside. Still with the planes and the birds and the surfers (see 2nd report w. pics) – only now Steven is one of the surfers.  Great, now I have to worry about him getting swallowed by a tsunami, while I’m getting flattened by our 3rd floor and splattered across our couch.  However, still no Earthshaking (at least any more than normal) or Fire and Brimstone or Giant, Man-eating, Rapture BUGS yet.

——————–

RaptureWatch ’11: @5:15pm

Steven! YOUR Dragon is into the Pringles again!  I knew I never should have brought that egg back from Wales!  I barely made it through MAF, pretending I was four months pregnant.  Never again.  He’s already been eating us through house and home, and he’s already fully grown!

The Rapture, Aliens, Dragons in my food. Depleting chocolate supply. What ELSE today!

BAD Owain! BAD Owain! You’ll ruin your dinner!  What?  No, Owain, I didn’t mean it.  We LOVE you as if you were our OWN…mythical …being!

———————-

RaptureWatch ’11: @5:50pm

HELP!  HELP!!  The sky is falling! The sky is falling! The sky is falling! *mmnnmppppppffft* ……….

Sorry about that, folks.  Dammit, Chicken Little! This is so NOT the time.

———————-

RaptureWatch ’11 @6:00pm

*Carl? Carl?  Sagan?  Is that you?*

———————

RaptureWatch ’11: @6:15

“Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht.”

A Silent Night it is.  A Holy One – not so much.  We’re still standing.  Shocker:)

I hope you enjoyed your RAPTURE DAY with me!:)  HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND, EVERYONE!

p.s.  Blue got a lift home with some friends in their very fast spaceship. 

         Carl Sagan was on board. 

         [Lucky BASTARD!]

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Will you be “Left Behind”? – I sure hope I am!

according to Tim LaHaye and his various co-authors, I will be "Left Behind" since i am an "unbeliever" and also, likely a "sinner"

"damned squared", if you will

apparently the "chosen" will be spirited away somewhere really nice while the rest of us basically burn – heh heh – i don't know if any of you have come across any of the books in his Left Behind series, but apparently, these books are selling like hotcakes – color me frightened – not of the anti-christ – but of all the people who read these books and enjoyed them – i recently visited the Tim LaHaye Ministries website – here are their mission and doctrinal statements…

PTRC Mission Statement
The Pre-Trib Research Center is a "think tank" committed to the study, proclamation, teaching and defending of the Pretribulational Rapture (pre-70th week of Daniel) and related end-time prophecy.

PTRC Doctrinal Statement
We believe that the sixty-six, canonical books of the Old and New Testaments, alone and in their entirety, comprise the God-inspired Scriptures which, therefore, are inerrant in their autographs.

We believe the Bible should be interpreted normally, as with any other piece of sane literature, by a consistently literal hermeneutic which recognizes the clear usage of speech figures.

We believe that Christ will literally rapture His church prior to the 70th week of Daniel, followed by His glorious, premillennial arrival on the earth at least seven years later to set up His 1,000 year kingdom rule from Jerusalem over the earth.

We believe that God's plan for history demands a consistent distinction between national Israel and the church which includes an ongoing plan for national, ethnic Israel that culminates in Christ's millennial kingdom.

um, "think tank"?…inerrant?…normally?…sane?

does any of this sound remotely rational to any of you?

if it does, you are in serious trouble, no doubt about it

so, imagine a work of fiction in which all of the above is the basic premise – only the people behind the book don't think it's fiction, and apparently, neither do any of his many fans – to them, this isn't speculative sci-fi – this isn't a "What if…" this is WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN – and from the interview i saw with LeHaye and company on Penn and Teller – it's GOING TO HAPPEN SOON -  apparently, there will be a coming time when all the believers will disappear from the planet (apparently, in the book, they don't need clothes where they're going, which suggests other things all together than the "godly" bliss they're supposed to be headed for) and the unbelievers and sinners (very loosely defined as roughly everybody who doesn't believe in the above) will have to stay and endure the apocalypse or whatever – this will include the appearance of the anti-christ (who, in the book, looks like Robert Redford – sign me up!), natural disasters and by later books, jesus coming back and not just killing, but evicerating all the non-believers and non-born-agains by speaking bible verses – then, by the 13th book the people who were "taken" come back and begin themass converting of the children because all the people on earth, now ruled by jesus, are either people who converted during the whole apocalypse thing, people who were taken in the first place, or children who haven't decided yet – of course, some of these children grow up to be "unbelievers" and they will die by their 100th birthday if they don't convert (because the only other alternative is to believe in satan)

heh heh

and then there are the reviews… (on Amazon)

one person said it was "great fun"

one person said these guys have written a "brilliant series" and these books will "encourage the readers to live better and share the word of god and look forward to what lies ahead for us believers"

one, hilariously wrote, in the heading – "Second best book – after the Holy Bible"

and then you have the people who say they've had to go ask their pastors  to ask if these things could all happen, cause they're not sure…

excuse me while laugh hysterically and/or puke, because, honestly folks…

are you guys getting this?  there are people who actually liked these books? – what kind of a person must you be to overjoyed by the pain and suffering and murder of millions and millions of people? – all in the name of religion – and to look forward to it in real life? – global mass murder? – who are these people? – if you know any of them, i suggest you run away…really, really fast

this guy, LeHaye, has lots of fans

that's fans – plural

in droves

are you frightened yet?

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